Coming back from my trip to Wales has made me realise more than ever that I am not doing what I want to be doing. This is OK, what I do day to day right now is not forever. My day (actually, being a restaurant, mostly evening) job is not forever. Where I live right now is not forever.
I have a new edge to my 'sword of sorting my life out' to strike with, and strike I shall. I return to Uni towards the end of September and I. CAN. NOT. WAIT. It sounds awful to wish the Summer away but part of me is. I want to be back in the darkrooms, stinking to high heaven of developer and fix, back in the (windowless and rather warm) studio, making decisions, tackling problems and not just the photography side of photography but the business side as well. The course I am on has been running since the 70's and is accredited by a number of professional institutes, including AOP and BIPP. My plan for second year is to use this to its fullest and get as much insight, advise and as many contacts as possible in the professional world.
Recently I helped my good friends Chris and Emily (@littlegreencoffeebox), if you haven't seen me talking/posting/sharing the cr*p out of these guys then you've been under a rock, seriously, they are awesome! But I digress, working with Chris gave me a whole new level of appreciation for what he and Emily have. They have built (literally and in the business sense) their coffee box from the ground up. Their blood, sweat, tears and more have gone into it and it is their's. They decide how they want their business to run, how they want to be, what they want to pursure and how the coffee box and business will grow and evolve. (Yes I appreciate that, as with any venture/business, there will be factors out of their control that will change the direction of their business/the decisions they make, but you get my drift)
I want this, I want to be doing something that is what I want to do. I want to grow a business, make my own desicions and see my hard work evolve into a (hopefully) sucessful and enjoyable livelyhood. Serving coffees with Chris gave me a real insight into the pay offs of all the hard work and effort that comes with running your own thing, whatever that thing may be.
What's my point? What the hell am I waffling on about? Well, I guess it boils down to this...If you don't like what you're doing or where you're going, change it. Put the effort in, as much as you can, whatever small changes you can make, make them. It won't be instant, it will hurt and you will feel like taking the easy route multiple times, but, if you really want something, if you really really want to do a thing (safe and legal, duh), then the hard work will be worth it. Stick with it, do what you love, even if it's just a little thing.
Also, support those who are working on their thing, whatever it may be!